How One Question Can Transform Your Family Dinners

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About eight years ago, my best friend and I attended a fitness boot camp class together.

My least favorite part of the class was NOT the push-ups. Or the high intensity intervals. It wasn’t even having to wake up at 4:30 am to go to the class.

No, my least favorite part was at the end of the class.

While we were stretching, the instructor had us go around the circle and share one “high” and one “low” from the workout that day.

I know…it doesn’t sound that terrible.

Honestly, I didn’t have a solid reason for disliking the instructor’s tradition. It just felt a little silly to ask everyone that question after a workout. (Plus, being pretty introverted, the idea of speaking in front of the whole group probably didn’t help.)

After that Boot Camp ended, I didn’t give it much thought. But one day, my best friend mentioned that her family had started using this “highs and lows” tradition during their family dinners.

And as much as I hated this ritual applied to a workout, I thought that bringing it home to the family dinner table was genius.

Sparking dinner time conversation with kids and teenagers can feel like an uphill battle.

Because, tell me if this sounds familiar to you at all:

“Hey kiddo, how was your day?”

“Fine!”

“What did you learn today in science?”

“I don’t remember.”

And so on (I’m not alone, right? It’s like pulling teeth sometimes!).

As my kids got older, I really wanted to use our time around the table to connect, spark conversation, and just enjoy being together as a family.

Getting answers like “fine”, “nothing” and “I don’t know” just wasn’t going to cut it for me.

So I decided to try my friend’s idea of the “highs and lows” tradition.

Would you believe that almost 7 years later, this is still something that anchors our dinner time conversation? (I wouldn’t…but it’s true!)

What is the “Highs and Lows” Tradition?

Our “highs and lows” tradition is super simple but so meaningful!

It’s a knock-off of what we did at that boot camp (but I don’t mind it now!).

Each evening at dinner, we go around the table, and everyone takes a turn sharing one high—something they loved about their day or that made them feel great—and one low—a moment that was challenging or didn’t go so well.

It’s a great way to hear about each other’s days, whether it’s a little victory (like acing a tough math problem) or a frustration (like a sibling squabble).

It opens up space for us to celebrate the good, support each other through the hard, and connect in a really natural, easy way.

Why We Love This Tradition

There’s so much to love about sharing our highs and lows at dinnertime.

For one, it keeps us connected. It’s amazing how much you can learn about your kids’ days by just giving them this prompt—things my kids might not mention otherwise have come up during this little tradition.

It also helps us celebrate the good stuff together, from big wins to small joys, and that creates such a positive vibe around the table. We usually end up laughing quite a bit, and rabbit-trailing off to other topics!

But it’s not just about the highs. Hearing each other’s lows is just as important. It gives everyone a safe space to share what’s been tough or frustrating, and it reminds us that we’re here to support each other. It’s a simple way to build empathy and show that everyone’s feelings matter. Plus, it’s a great conversation starter! Sometimes we’ll end up diving into a long discussion about someone’s high or brainstorming solutions for a low, and those moments are priceless.

Taking time to share highs and lows as a family has become about so much more than just talking—it’s about building strong relationships and fostering an environment where everyone feels seen and heard.

I love how this simple tradition also encourages gratitude and perspective. Kids (and us parents!) learn to look for the good in each day, even if it’s something small, and to recognize that challenges are a natural part of life. It’s a great way to teach resilience and remind everyone that it’s okay to have hard days, as long as we don’t let those moments define us.

How to Start Your Own “Highs and Lows” Tradition

Starting a “highs and lows” tradition is super easy and doesn’t require any prep—it’s one of the reasons we love it so much! Here’s how you can make it a part of your family’s routine:

Pick a Time to Share—We do ours during dinner because it’s a natural time when we’re all together, but you can choose whatever works for your family. It could be during breakfast, bedtime, or even while driving in the car!

Set the Tone—Let everyone know the idea is to share one high point (something good about their day) and one low point (something challenging or frustrating). Keep it casual and open—there’s no “right” or “wrong” answer.

Model It Yourself—As the parent, kick things off by sharing your own high and low. Kids are more likely to join in when they see you doing it first!

Encourage Everyone to Participate—Invite everyone to take a turn, but don’t force it if someone doesn’t feel like sharing. Sometimes just listening is enough.

Make It a Judgment-Free Zone—This tradition works best when everyone feels comfortable being honest. Avoid jumping in to “fix” a problem right away unless your child asks for advice. Sometimes they just need to be heard.

Be Consistent—The more often you do it, the more natural it becomes. Even if you can’t do it every day, make it a regular habit!

Keep It Fun—If you have younger kids, you can make it more interactive—like passing around a “talking stick” or using a special plate for the person sharing. Little touches like that can make it even more engaging.

Small Tradition, Big Impact

It crazy to me to think that we began this tradition before my youngest was born…and now, HE is the one who often kicks us off with our highs and lows (“Highs and lows…GO!” he likes to shout. He also really likes picking who gets to speak first each night).

We rarely miss a night. And my kids even like to invite others to participate when they’re sharing a meal with us.

I hope it’s something they’ll carry with them, and maybe even remember as they have their own families some day.

Starting a new tradition like this might feel small, but it can have such a big impact on your family. Taking time to share highs and lows creates space for connection, empathy, and meaningful conversations that can bring you closer together, even on the busiest days. It’s a simple way to remind your kids that their voices matter, their feelings are valid, and their family is always there for them—through the highs and the lows.

Why not give it a try tonight? Gather around the table, ask everyone to share their favorite and most challenging moments of the day, and see where the conversation takes you. You might be surprised by how much it helps you connect as a family!

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