4 Pillars of a Relaxed Homeschool {And How to Troubleshoot the Hard Days}

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Would you like to take a more relaxed approach this homeschool year? Implementing these strategies are a great way to take the first steps to becoming a more relaxed homeschool mom.

I remember my first year of homeschooling…

It was a disaster!

I had been a 4th-grade teacher, so I thought I had homeschooling under control, but I was wrong.

My daughter would fight me on everything, especially reading. I had to step back and create a whole new perspective on education.

Our days would begin just fine, but as soon as we got to reading, commence the meltdowns. It started with a few whines which led to crying. Before I knew it, we both were yelling at each other. Stuck in a power struggle that we both knew no one would win.

My homeschool style needed a makeover. How did I escape the disaster our homeschool had become?

What Relaxed Homeschoolers Know

After spending much time researching education and unlearning the traditional methods I was taught in public school teaching, I have discovered the 4 basic tenets of relaxed homeschooling. Start with these and you will be on the path to set yourself up for success.

Relaxed Routine

The first thing to realize is that a relaxed homeschool approach isn’t a strict, time-based homeschool schedule. It’s a routine that is based on your child’s natural daily rhythm.

Spend a week observing your child. Don’t make any plans. Just hang out at home and go with the flow. Write down your child’s active times, engaged times, and tired times. By the end of the week, you should notice a pattern. Use this information to create a routine that flows with your child’s natural rhythms.

Don’t set any specific times for your routine. Instead make a list of the things you want to get done, in the order you want to do them. Then let your child dictate when to start and stop each activity.

I like to break down my homeschool day into 4 parts:

1. Morning Time- This is where we eat breakfast, prepare for our day, and transition into school time.
2. Table Time- This is where we do short, focused math lessons, reading, and language arts.
3. Free Time- This is where we focus on each child’s interests, explore their passions with hands-on activities, play outside, and go on field trips.
4. Tea Time- This usually happens mid-afternoon. We grab a snack, some tea, and explore the arts.

Child-Led Activities

According to the Nations Report Card, an average of 65% of students are failing either math, reading, and/or writing. This is a huge red flag that screams that the traditional school standards are not developmentally appropriate.

Every child learns at a different pace and that pace is determined by their environment. For example, most children are not developmentally ready to read until age 8-10. If you follow your child’s lead and learn the skills and topics they are motivated and ready to learn, the learning will be more meaningful and deep. 

John Holt once said:

“Of course, a child may not know what he may need to know in ten years (who does?), but he knows, and much better than anyone else, what he wants and needs to know right now, what his mind is ready and hungry for. If we help him, or just allow him to learn that, he will remember it, use it, build on it.”

Be a learning guide, not a teacher. What’s the difference?

A teacher knows it all and teaches the child what they know through lectures and presentations.

A learning guide may know all the answers, but pretends not to and shows curiosity about the topic.

Through modeling curiosity, the learning guide motivates the child to ask questions and discover the answers on their own. A learning guide provides resources, asks questions, and guides the child to figure out the answers independently and in their own time.

A learning guide understands that learning is always happening. The skills that they want their child to learn will not always be learned on the learning guide’s timeline, but they understand that learning experiences will be deeper and more meaningful if they follow the child’s timeline.

Not sure what to teach or when to teach it? Confused about what skills are developmentally appropriate for your child? Click here to download our free Homeschool Skills Checklist.

Engaging Environment

The environment is your secret weapon in teaching the skills you want your child to learn.

You control the environment.

Your environment controls your child’s education.

Your child controls when and how they learn it.

The next step to a relaxed approach is learning how to place things in your environment and skillfully expose your child to skills that you want them to learn in real-life situations. This gives them a meaningful reason to learn those skills and topics. And a child will not deeply learn something without a legitimate reason to learn it.

Trust in the Process

Homeschool moms, this can be the hardest part of creating a more relaxed homeschool. You have to trust your child’s unique learning timeline. As long as you follow your child’s lead and use your environment to encourage and motivate them, they will learn. Learning is a natural habit already established within our children as long as you allow them to guide it.

But things don’t always go as planned. Even if you plan ahead and successfully implement these 4 pillars, you’re going to run into rough days.

How to Troubleshoot the Hard Days

Let’s talk about what to do when things don’t go as planned, or you start to reach the homeschool burnout phase.

This is where what I call Magical Moments come into play. Magical Moments are the little things that build a stronger connection and decrease the stress in your homeschool. It’s what helps make homeschool feel less like school.

Below you will find two types of magical moments: intentional and back pocket.

Intentional Magical Moments are little things you can add to your day to deepen the connection and feel more relaxed around learning.

Back Pocket Magical Moments are simple little things that you can do when your child is refusing to do their schoolwork. It helps bring the frustration down and deepen the connection with your child. But it also allows you to give some of the control over to your child when a certain task is challenging for them.

Intentional Magical Moments

I recommend you add only one magical moment activity at a time. When it becomes a natural part of your day, then add another. You do not need to do all of these. Just do the ones that bring your family joy. It’s not about getting in another subject or more school work. It’s about creating magical moments that bring you and your family joy.

• Poetry Tea Time
• Movie Night
• Gameschooling (or Game Night)
• Morning Basket
• Nighttime Basket
• Field Trips
• Nature Study
• Cooking
• Handiwork
• Project Time (where the kids work on their own projects)
• Celebrating Accomplishments
• Book Parties

Backpocket Magical Moments

Use these back pocket ideas when your child is struggling to complete an assignment. Remember to make sure your child is ready, motivated, and understands the skill. These back-pocket ideas are to be used sparingly.

If you need to resort to back pocket magical moments every day then that may be a sign that your child is not ready for that skill and you’re not following their lead. 

It’s normal for a child to be ready and highly motivated to learn a skill but still struggle and meltdown when faced with a challenge. The difference is, that a motivated child will bounce back from the meltdown and use it as motivation to continue. An unmotivated child or a child who is not ready for that skill will shut down completely. 

• Give them a mint or piece of hard candy
• Light a scented candle
• Invite them to move to another spot (of their choosing)
• Go outside to work
• Take a brain break
• Give them a fancy writing utensil (gel pens are a great idea!)
• Use a whiteboard
• Give them a snack
• Turn on gentle music or nature sounds
• Cuddle under a blanket
• Just ask— What would help you concentrate right now?

If all else fails, ditch school for the day and focus on doing things together that you love. Remember, at the end of the day, you are mama first. The individual relationships you have with your kids are the most important part of your homeschool journey. Focus on the connection with your child and everything else will eventually fall into place.

Let’s face it. Bad homeschool days are inevitable. So take the time upfront to create a learning lifestyle by implementing the 4 pillars of a relaxed homeschool I mentioned above. Then allow the learning to just flow. If a bad day creeps up, use the magical moments to bring it back together.

I’d love to hear from you in the comments: are you a relaxed homeschool parent? How have you seen the relaxed homeschooling lifestyle benefit your child’s education?

Related Posts

• 6 Ways to Help Your Kids Create Good Habits
• How to Raise Kind, Courageous, and Gracious Children: A 3-Step Approach
• Different Styles of Homeschooling: Which One is Your Best Match?

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